drunk talking about love and drama

i like simple.

like, lying on bed on sunday morning doing nothing simple.

by default, i always run from any drama. except the ones directly involving me and, by a great deal, unavoidable. i see drama as a mental draining activity. maybe if you’re a born drama queen things might be different. but there’s a reason why i like being a bystander more.

love and drama are a terrible combination. but shit keeps coming and you can’t avoid it all the time. to that point, i have to admit that it’s true. especially if you’re a fan of ‘bumbu-bumbu percintaan‘ or ‘bumbu rumah tangga‘ shit, probably a religious believer of that too. drama in a low, safe dosage, perhaps makes things exciting. but excessive usage could guarantee you a trip to a mental facility. just think of msg with more lethal effects.

i do believe they need to start making banners like they do for cigarettes : “drama berlebihan dapat menyebabkan serangan jantung, impotensi, dan gangguan kehamilan dan janin.” just for the sake of it, you know.

but the problem is, there are the unnecessary dramas. a lot of them. it could range from ‘kamu kalo ditanya makan di mana jawabannya terserah terseraaah mulu. sekali-sekali tentukan pilihan dong. jadi cowok kok memble!’ to the ‘you freaking insecure bitch. you’re the one sleeping around with everyone, you whore. stop making me the bad guy in this!‘. from the quarreling in the car, to the quarreling in the parking lot – with people watching. jesus. headaches.

don’t get me wrong. i have nothing against love couples and drama. to some extent they even provide entertainments no matter how cruel it may sound. if you have friends who are dating each other who just so happen to be the usual movie-worth-drama couple, be grateful. take some popcorns with you and be grateful.  it’s not everyday you could find a free show with top notch acting worth of golden globe awards. if one of them happens to be a cheating bastard, well, that’s a plus. pick up some lessons and don’t repeat their mistakes.

but there are also the dangerous dramas. it looks like your usual couple dramas, but that’s the danger in it. it looks so ‘normal’ we overlook it all the time. and for this, i’m going to highlight the case of acute on and off couples.

we have couples like this all around us. one day they’re fine, lovey-dovey, sickeningly sweet, the next day they’re at each other’s throat, ready to drag one another to the nearest police station. they claim to be so in love with each other, but most of the time you could see that they’re basically the most insecure couples you’ve ever seen. even one of my best friends was in a relationship like this once, but it was in junior high school it hardly counts. but let me be freaking honest, this kind of relationship should just stay in high school where it belongs.

before we continue, there’s no academic research i’ve conducted on this subject. the closest method i used was qualitative which is talking for three or four hours non stop with a few different people, ranging from an eighteen years old kid studying business but with a passion for psychology, a genius mate working in a food industry, to a veteran lesbian that’s been through quite everything, which is very random but i believe in randomness and a nice result we can yield from it. we’re biased. and biased leave us be.

you’ve been warned.

first of all, i don’t get on and off couples. i don’t want to elaborate on this. i just don’t get them and somehow i think i will never do.

how can you keep hurting each other yet saying that you love each other?

sometimes their defense is ‘well have you been really really in love before?‘ and when i say ‘no‘ they go all smug and say ‘you don’t understand then‘. of course i don’t, it’s crazy.

i can’t say i’ve ever been really in love with someone. but i definitely have loved someone – if that’s what people consider love, romantically, but it doesn’t look like this. i can’t imagine being in a relationship like this. i don’t claim to be a relationship expert, but i asked a veteran in relationships, and she said she can’t imagine being in a relationship like that too. so it’s not about being really really in love then. so what is it?

we can theorize about it all night long and might not get a satisfying answer other than tsk they’re just a bunch of masochists leave them alone. we can even blame the stories about those couples in books or movies. the sexy – i freaking hate you – couples who practically try to drill a bullet through each other’s skull but then have a mind blowing post-fighting sex in the janitor’s closet. somehow those stories gave us the impression that hate could translate into love, and tortures are acceptable as long as you do it in the name of love. put into this context, even over jealousy and extreme insecurity could seem adorable and desirable. except that they aren’t.

it’s a sick way of loving.

one of my friends said; it is dependence.

in a discussion over some drinks another friend said that it could be that one of them are scared. they love each other – yes, they do. but somehow they got into this unhealthy relationship. they want to hold on to it, because they are afraid that once they leave, they won’t find someone they can love as much as this one person. so they stay in the cycle. they love, and they hate, they love again. to the point it gets so tiring. but they still think it’s worth it because their lover is supposed to be the ultimate person.the one. the incomparable. but are they?

i said; it’s not love. it might be close to love, but it’s not love. it resembles love but it isn’t. people delude themselves into it they could stay in the relationship for a long, long time, believing it is love. but maybe it isn’t.

fighting, quarreling, bickering, even slamming doors are normal in a relationship. it’s part of the delicious drama you’re craving one way or another. but making it on and off sounds too childish for me. and sometimes beware that it could be abusive. and whoever you are, wherever you are, abusive relationship is a no-no.

abuse is not only physical. there are also verbal, even psychological abuse. but sadly we often overlook these ones. the next time your couple friends are fighting, listen to what they say. you will know the difference. and there’s a chance you might wonder how on earth someone could stay in this abusive relationship.

some said that one day they will get tired and realize how sick it is. then it will stop. maybe it will, maybe it won’t. and you can’t question their love to each other because when you do in front of them they will say you don’t understand.

experience talking – it could take years for someone to finally realize what’s happening to them. there will be a time they take off their rose tinted glasses and see things for what they are. not what they want them to be.

and please cut the crap.

it’s not that i don’t believe in love. i’m just saying that delicious, healthy kind of love is possible. i have seen those couples. don’t make anymore excuse to stay in an abusive relationship.

but who am i to say this kind of things right?

to be honest, love is unfathomable to me, and as someone who has been called heartless by her mother, chance is that i won’t understand it at all.

but back to the drama thingy, one of the best advice i’ve ever received, and i’m going to quote it here; “you see trouble, you run.”

good luck.